


An inside look into the suicidal mind of a teen

by Thatweirdpup



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Depression, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Multi, Other, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-09
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-07-22 12:05:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7438196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thatweirdpup/pseuds/Thatweirdpup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John decides to make blog post about him and his depression. Sherlock reads them and criticizes them. </p><p>*some words are misspelled on purpose, as well as grammar and stuff.*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The blog post that started it all. John

??/??/????

 

So hello there :)

I for one am having a interesting day, considering it is indeed 12 in the morning.  
But that's beside the point, although do to the fact that my mind will not shut up, or shut off I have found you.

I will most likely regret this later on, as I do most of my spontaneous decisions, but anyway I have decided that I have a *great* idea! Then again I believed jumping off a ledge was a *great* idea and then ended with me tearing my ACl.

Sorry to ramble on, i am getting to the point. I think...

So I have an idea for a blog. The blog shall be "An inside look into the suicidal mind of a teen"

Catchy right? Now I am not confirming nor denying that I am either a teen, suicidal, or even human, because if do that puts some weird obligation on some people, something about morals, I don't know what they are, but to my understanding it's the opposite of fun.

But the following is the basic premise i guess.

Hey look you got this far so why not just keep going?

"Hey there Buddy, how's it hanging? I wish I was :) but hey let me tell you a thing or two.

When you want to die you stop caring about safety. Knives and pills are your best friends, even if it's an abusive relationship. You wonder if today is the day you truly stop giving a fuck and put a bullet in your head. Maybe it is. That be great  
.  
But life's a bitch as my uncle says "one day you'll have the gun, but no bullets. Then you'll get the bullets but you lose the gun. Even with death life fucks with you." He's a great man.

You wonder how you want to go, gun? Eh too messy. Drink filled with cyanide? Nah. Stomach filled with pills? Ha been tried that. That one was fun to explain to the docs. Maybe roof jumping, or suicide by cop. That be fun. Something crazy and fun, that's how i would. Well want.

You look at the world differently when you want to die. Like a smashed mirror put back together, it's never quite the same as before.  
Ever wonder why a child is so fucking happy? Because they live in their own reality. But once you enter the reality of suicide and fuck yous' that happiness dissipated.  
So this is a insight to the delightful world of the pessimistic and unhappy. So pull up a chair and open your ears I got a lot to say about everything"

So any how that's my *great* idea. Did you like it?  
No, maybe, yes?  
Get back to me with your thoughts if you feel like it, if not have a great life.

Signing off now,  
J.H.W


	2. lets be friends asshole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John feels like a loser.

??/??/????

At some point in my unfortunate 16 years of life i was told that this world is one of possibilities and dreams. Now i was told this while i was around lets say 5 and i thought “well isn’t this swell”. all I have to do is work hard and my every dream will come true, yadda yadda yadda.

Right lets stop right there. This is a load of bull shit. 

No matter what I do I will always be a FUCKING LOSER.I

That is who i was born to be and that is who i will die as.

We can all sit here and pretend that it is false, and you can change and blah blah blah but lets be real, just take one look at me and you can tell. I might as well have it tattooed on my forehead. 

Remember back in elementary school when the kids would hold their finger like a L on there head and stick out their tongue? Yeah they did that to me.  
Even as a child, I was pathetic.

I acted more like a girl then a boy, and thats alright.  
Oh wait not when you're me. 

My dilemma was this, the girls didn't want to be with me and the boys didn't either, so i spent time with myself and trees. 

And then school started and i was STARVING for a friend. 

Anyone would do, but no one would, not really. 

My family didn't help much, my cousin being a spoiled brat that he was, and my other cousin being a pushy know it all. 

Yeah not much fun, and my sister didn't help with this.  
The first like three years of my life i would only talk with him, or so i have been told, not like i remember. 

We dont talk much now, her being in the who needs family stage and me not giving a fuck. 

 

Oh and to the kid who said “Capitalize your I’s. Cyanide is impractical for someone like you. Children are happy because like everyone else they are idiots.” 

Fuck you asshole. Who the fuck do you think you are? i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i  
Your probably just as much as a loser as me. 

Lets be friends. 

Signing off now,  
J.H.W


	3. family and shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Johns family is stupid.

??/??/????

There little fuckers.  
God damn.  
I dislike them so much.  
Not even hate, cause hating something takes so much energy.  
And they are just not worth it.  
I'm not talking about all family.   
No  
I'm talking about the ones who stick their noses up at you.  
Who laugh when you fail.   
The ones you simply wish you did not share DNA with.   
The ones who make you want to slit your wrist every time you chat.  
That family.  
They criticize you all the time.   
They don't approve if your choices, your friends, or life style.  
And they make it known they don't approve.  
But it's not like you even give a shit.   
They can go anal fuck a cactus for all you care.  
But alas do to social obligations you must play nice.  
Or at least till you end up drunk at a party and all bets are off.   
What i want to know is what give them the right to say your life is wrong.   
Im sorry just because i choose not to follow some fucking book, doesnt mean im wrong.   
In fact you can take your book and your opinions and not so politely fuck off. 

Really dude “It's You’re. As in you’re an idiot. You called your sister a him. I don’t do friends.” 

Well then if not friends what do you do? Do you just like being a grammer nazi? Whats your name anyway dude? Or chick? Why still be anonymous?

Signing off now,  
J.H.W

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John might be a quite kid in real life but inside he is as bad as a sailor and a truck driver.


	4. Fun Fucking Day

Ah so today was such a Fun Fucking Day i got kicked of the rugby team   
why???   
Because they don't wanna shower with a poof. Like seriously? Like i would wanna fuck any of them.   
It's complete bullshit. I hate this school.   
Oh and top of that they tried to fucking beat me up in the locker room luckily there was this strange kid who scared them.   
His name is Sherlock he isn't to bad. Not that i know him but people don't like him because he is smart and a dickwad.   
Never had a problem with him myself. I'd fuck him though. He is one sexy son of a bitch.   
Thats how my day went how was yours? 

 

Oh and S.H {thats still anonymous} family obligations are real to the most of us. The reason i care what they think is because they are family, people i have literally known my entire life, people who are supposed to love me unconditionally but all i get are disappointed looks and a liquor bottle thrown in my direction. 

 

Whats your family like then? Huh? Is everything so peachy? Perfect like your grammar? 

 

Pm me dude. Chick. Possible dinosaur. 

 

Anyway to those who have been reading this sorry i havent posted in a while. I recently moved schools, and houses. Still living in the same shit town but just in a better neighborhood. Ill miss naked Jeb the homeless man. And my friend Al, but still. 

 

In case you were interested. Still depressed, still drinking, doing all the drugs, and wishing i could just escape. 

 

Signing off now,  
J.H.W

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn its been awhile. Nothing much new with me, what about you?


	5. Gun GUn

??/??/????

 

Ha this. 

So when most people are ask their opinions on guns they say something like yeah we should have guns, or no we should not.

 

Ask me.

Go ahead ask me about guns

 

"Hey fucktard how do you feel about guns."

I would say. 

"Eh too messy." 

 

At that point most would be confused.

But think about it.

Why would i want my last moments on this dreaded rock a loud boom in my ear? 

I wouldnt. 

 

Nah not me. 

 

But then again who the fuck cares about what i think? Oh! Wait apretnly M.O.L.L.Y does. 

Or so she? He? Says. 

 

“Hello, J.H.W I know things can seem pretty tough but there are always better days. Just please to kill yourself.” 

 

Well isn't that sweet. No really it is. I don't say this often but thanks M.O.L.L.Y 

 

I geuss it has been a okay few weeks since my last post. Want an update? 

 

Well the Sherlock kid is my science partner and he is a right prick. Like jesus fuck i get why people don't like him. 

 

I love it. 

 

And god damn does that kid put the fucking fear into some of these assholes. Like jeeez

God damn id drop to my fucking knees for this kid.   
  
  


Fuck im gay af. 

 

 

Oh and before i forget how is family irrelevant? S.H? Hmm. If only they were. 

 

Signing off now,  
J.H.W


End file.
